Kevin Hart is me.
Rollercoasters. For some, that word brings visions of excitement and exhilarating thrills, happy memories and fun times. For me, it brings terror.
There is nothing good about sitting in a rickety little car and dropping at high speeds or rolling on a track backwards and upside down. Not even the slow, bumpy ride to the top of the hill is okay. It is not, as some would say, exciting. It is suspenseful and stressful and all you can think about is how soon the only thing you will know is fear and feeling like you are about to die and that’s it. Up’s and Down’s are just not good for me, okay?
“Up”s are suspenseful and stressful, because all you can think about is the drop that is coming up and your entire ride is filled with fear and doubt because there’s nowhere to go but down once you get to the top. Or, you trust the smooth ride and the steady clicking, and you think “okay, I can handle this. It’s actually kind of nice to lay back and look at this nice blue sky around me. Hey, the view from up here is amazing. I could get used to this.”
And then comes the horrifying drop.
“Down”s, obviously, are worse. You can expect and try to prepare for them. It doesn’t make a whole lot of difference, because even when you know it’s coming, you still cant stop the terror and feeling like you will die and you can’t hold back the scream and it doesn’t matter what you do.
What’s worse is when there’s a sudden drop- those ones you don’t see coming. Sure, you get to enjoy the ‘up’ because you don’t even know anything is about to happen. But then the floor disappears from underneath you and all you can think is “Oh god, this is it”. All of the good times disappear and you are flailing for anything to hold onto and screaming for help.
Basically that’s me on the whole ride. I’m already flailing and screaming as soon as you try to strap me into the thing.
Lovelies, I’m sure you are wondering why I am babbling about rollercoasters. Everybody knows what it’s like to ride on a rollercoaster, and anybody who’s anybody absolutely loves the thrill. Basically, all I’m doing is confessing a childish fixation against amusement park rides, right?
Well apparently yes. But actually, I wanted to say this: relationships are the same way.
Every relationship has its ups and downs. The rules of Ups and Downs still apply, more than ever. Some rides are slower than others, some have less drops or lots of ups and just a few downs. Sometimes, a giant suspenseful ride to the top doesn’t mean a long deadly drop. Sometimes life tricks you.
My relationship with Darion is so full of ups and downs, it’s insane. Ever since I came to Washington, my rollercoaster went into a dark tunnel. Each day is filled with bumps and drops that I never see coming. I never know whether I’m on an up or a down, because sometimes I feel like I’m falling when actually I’m still on the ride up. It’s really confusing honestly. A few days ago, I though my ride was almost over, and I started that final giant drop that I knew was coming since I gave this ride a chance and strapped myself in. Right now, I’m kind of suspended. I’m in a flat area between rises and drops, still wondering if that drop was really as bad as I thought it was.
Hopefully, my return to Kansas will fix everything. The drops that I thought were there could turn out to be nothing, and the drop that I know is at the end of this ride might come into view, or turn out to be already passed. Maybe that was the horrible feeling I felt a few days ago.
Alright, so my incredibly long, drawn-out analogy is over, but I still feel like I did a crappy job of explaining what’s happening with Darion.
Well basically we both know things are ending and it’s really tearing me apart. I almost posted three incredibly depressing posts about how I was feeling, but I’m still not even sure if those feelings were justifiable… so right now, everything is on ‘pause’ until me and Darion can finally talk and figure things out.
Anyway, lovelies. This post was not quite as well-thought-out as I intended, but thanks for reading anyway :) I shall see your sexy faces next time!